How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Dam!"

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? Association of Noteworthy Dyslexics.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers

What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka

What does it mean when the flag is at half-mast at the post office?

They're hiring.